All In One....Part One

As per AngelNicki's comment.....
-AngelNicki said...
Maybe you should just save all of the incomplete drafts and somehow merge them into one long, very strange post?
I'm posting all of my "draft" posts, All In One....VERY WEIRD!!

HERE GOES.....

Today

I realized, over the last 2 years, I've been more consumed with losing him, rather than losing myself! WTF?!
I'm not sure what happened to me! What I am promising myself is to take it a day at a time & rediscover myself. At this point, realistically, it may not include him. While it makes me sad to a certain extent, as of today, I am ok with that. I deserve A LOT! From now on, I will make sure that I receive exactly what I expect from anyone I choose to have in my life.
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I'M BACK!!

I haven't been here, but I'm soo back! I could've used the other computers, PC's, but it just didn't feel right. Not sure what it is, but my personal laptop makes me want to focus & get some writing done.
Alot has happened over the past few months. I'm working in a gym again. Not happy about it, but I have a job in an economy where most people don't have a job at all. Thankful, because I have one. I thank God EVERY DAY!
But, I know my skills are not being utilized AT ALL!! So, what do I do about this?

I decided, that now that my computer is fixed, that I'll start writing again. Even if it's just blogging. I WILL WRITE!!

Not on all of my meds....hey, what can I say? I try, but I don't see where it's really helping me anymore. The only thing that I can count on is my sleepy time meds to work. If I don't take them, I really can't sleep!

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Happy New Year!!!

Not good or bad! Tomorrow is my last day of work... I'm scared!

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Dreaming

I have yet to go, completely, back on my meds. Although I intend on doing so, and know I need it, I'm scared to do it. I am taking my sleepy time meds, and my pdoc said it was ok for me to cut my Celexa in half, making it 10mg/day, along with my Concerta, which I had her bring down from 36mg to 27mg. In my head I feel like on of my medications is depressing me, so even though I had the mgs lowered, I'm still a bit weary...

I digress...

Not been on all of my meds, for some reason, means that I can remember my dreams. They are getting more & more weird by the day.
Yesterday, I had 2 major dreams. The first was completely surrounded around corn muffins. Everyone was eating them & trying to get me to do the same. Everywhere I looked, there was a corn muffin. Every coversation that was had was something directly geared towards corn muffins. Here's the weird part...I HAVE NEVER EATEN A CORN MUFFIN IN MY LIFE! I woke up at 3am to tell my bf about my corn muffin dream. I think he thought I was talking in my sleep, which is kinda true, I was kinda still sleep. When I woke up yesterday morning, I went to pick up breakfast from the deli, & what do you know...there are corn muffins on the checkout counter. So, I bought one. Turns out, they taste EXACTLY like corn bread! Who knew, lol!

The second dream was weird-er!
Apparently my step-father had...

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So Much

I've had so much going on within the last few weeks that most days, I honestly only remember to take my night time meds. So, I'm going to give a quick update...

Since my Cancer Free results, I decided to become a surrogate mother for one of my Aunts. Extremely LONG story short..she remarried & wants to have a child with her new....

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Going Back on Meds

Ever since I got my "Cancer Free" results, I've been off of my meds. I wanted to see who I was without them. I don't really know...


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Have I Mentioned?

I don't think that I said it, but I took it upon myself to go off of my meds. P/Tdoc are pissed at me for not speaking with them prior to going off, but, WHATEVER!! I found out that I like my personality a lot better...


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Last Night was BAD!!!!

This would be a "Whoa Is Me Post". So, if this isn't something you wanna read...then move on.
Last night, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown.
I'M TIRED OF BEING SICK!

Apparently I've Tried

19 in draft posts...hmmmm...
None of them are complete. Half thoughts, mid thoughts, partial sentences.

What does this mean?!

Back Again...

It's been a long time. Computer has been fixed for a couple of mths, but I wasn't sure what to say. Still not sure, but one thing is clear, I need to be here. I need to write. My bf said it best, if you love to write...then write. While he doesn't understand what a daunting task it may be at times...he's correct!

So, let me give you a quick update, because I have other blogs to update as well!

Things are moving along, slowly, but moving nonetheless. The economy has gotten the best of everyone it seems like. I'm not working, but bf is finally up and running & feeling REALLY good about himself. I'm very proud of him!!
As for my head, I'm still in therapy, still selective on what I say, but I find myself being more open as the sessions move forward. I'm still accepting my meds, although I'm only taking the one's for me to sleep. Not taking my daytime meds, which may be the reason why I feel so un-put-together..I know that's not a real word, but that's the only way I can describe how I'm feeling.
I see a lot of people have still been following me...I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT!! When I chack my blog from time to time, it makes me feel good that my blog is still active, although it doesn't always motivate me to write.
I've gained some weight , which is really exciting!!! I'm at a cool 136lbs. I'm fitting into my size 4's slowly but surely, lol!! HUGE DEAL FOR ME!! I was down to a zero, with some extra room left over. I was looking sick :-x
There's a good chance that I may go back to my daytime meds just for the sake of working & trying to reorganize Amber!

With that being said, I PROMISE TO GIVE AT LEAST A DAILY UPDATE, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS, FROM TODAY GOING FORWARD!

LOVE YOU ALL MY BLOGGER FAMILY!! GRACE & PEACE!