Hospital Visit..Again

It seems like there is always something wrong with me. Now, I have a few masses in my breast. One of them was found 2 months ago, & the doctor told me that it wasn't a big deal, that we were just going to watch it. Ok, cool!!

A month later, I get another 2, that I found myself..AND THEY HURT LIKE HELL!!!

Since I still have health insurance until Monday, my bf made me go have them checked out. We went to the ER...I HATE IT THERE!!!
Only to find out that I have extra masses in my breast, and now I have to go back to the Breast Clinic to have a needle biopsy done on the bastards.

I'M DEPRESSED!!! I HATE THE WAY I FEEL, EVEN MORE, I HATE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALONE!!! Bf can't understand why I'm so upset & scared, and I'm too upset & scared to even bother trying to explain. After everything that he's seen me go through, why doesn't he just know???

I Find Myself...

* Questioning what I know to be true..
* Frowning frequently..
* Going out of my way to help people, who would never help me...
* Staring at nothing, ALOT...
* Missing him...
* Racing against time...
* Not being able to explain much of anything because it's all stuck in my head...
* Not wanting to die, but, praying for another life...
* Wondering, how other people "seem" to have it so easy, as I struggle...
* Wanting to reach out for help, but, there is no one, physically, there...
* Feeling like I need MORE, and wondering why I don't have it...
* Praying for a funny joke, just so I can remember how it felt to smile again....

Fighting For My Rights

For the most part, if I ever leave a job, I try to leave quietly...without any sort of uproar or comotion. In all the years, and all of the jobs I've had, all of my attempts have failed.

Why do people feel the need to shit on your name is beyond me!!!

This time, they are not going to get away with what they did. Honestly, if they would have written the separation notice correctly, I would have signed it and walked away. BUT NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

They just had to lie on me!!! Why lie? Why? Because they think I'm a nice, sweet, stupid ass person that doesn't understand what the hell just happened here!!! Unfortunately for them, they didn't realize that I'm not dumb, I just dumbed down for the position. It was a brainless job, that offered me a steady paycheck each week. It was also convenient for school, only 3 blocks away.

But, as the days go on, the more pissed of I get thinking about how I was treated. I'm a cool person...just give me my work and a corner & leave me alone....

I hate being put in this position! NOW I MUST FIGHT!!! FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!!

When I'm Racey

I like to write - blog.
There is never a specific topic, just something to say that I'm able to focus on something...ANYTHING!
Right now is one of those times. I lost my job the other day, and while it doesn't surprise me in the least bit, their reasoning for letting me go is appalling!!! They're basically claiming that I'm a damn thief!!

I AM NOT!!!

They said that I falsified a listing, which is not true, in order to increase my pay. FIRST...EVEN IF I DID FALSIFY THE LISTING, IT WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED SHIT ON MY PAY!!! THE BONUS STRUCTURE WAS SET UP IN A WAY THAT I WOULD HAVE TO HAD DONE THAT 50 TIMES IN ORDER FOR IT TO HAVE MADE ANY DIFFERENCE AT ALL!! SECOND...I HAD PROOF THAT IT WASN'T FALSE...HAD BEING THE KEY WORD...THEY TOSSED ALL OF MY PAPERWORK THAT I HAD ON TOP OF MY DESK. FUCKING LIARS!!

Now, I'm back at home trying to focus on school & studying & I'm so pissed that my mind won't slow down. Everything that I've studied over the past 3 days has left my brain...THIS SUX!!!!

Better Days

So, I'm in school now, and it's hard, but, I'm enjoying it!!
But, yesterday, I got fired!!!
Yup, Me!
Not upset because I was expecting it, later rather than sooner, but expecting it nonetheless!
I've been preparing for it...interviewing & stuff. But, that job was a simple, brainless job, that was MEGA CONVENIENT FOR SCHOOL!!
What now? Not completely sure. Bf wants me to not work & focus on school...but, I know that's not gonna happen.
I'm looking back into Fit Modeling. Now I have the time to look around. I just hate being in a situation that I can't control!!
I'm working hard on not being depressed...bf is watching me. Yesterday, after I found out, he spent the rest of the day trying to make me laugh, and joking with me. It worked yesterday...but, today, it may not work. I'm silent and that worries him!!!

New & Not So New

I've been sheltering myself, so there isn't a whole lot going on at the moment.

I'm still working, although I am on 90 day probation. LOL!! It's funny, but not. I can't seem to make it in to work on time. My thoughts...if I ALWAYS have my work done quickly, efficiently, and wayyyy before the day is over, WHY MESS WITH ME!?!?
Apparently, they fail to realize who I am. So, after being written up several times, they finally found onE that would make me put in the extra effort to make it in before/by 9am.
The latest one said that for each time I'm late, within the next 90 days, they are going to dock me $50.00. WHAT!?!?

Ok, searching for a new method to get to work, because the old one seems to get me in trouble all the time.

So, now, I'm paying a little bit extra money to take the express train into the city, just to assure myself that I make it to work on time.

If they just allowed me to come in at 10am instead of 9am, everyone would have been happy. But, since it's not my company, I guess I have no say. OH WELL!!!