Drained

I am emotionally drained!
I'm laying in bed, of course with insomnia, wishing that I had just one person I could talk to. Just one person that would listen without judgement, and not feel the need to be on suicide watch.
Blogging just isn't getting the job done anymore, hence the lack of posts.
I would love to know the feeling of just one person loving me, unconditionally.
How does it feel to know what your talent/gift is?
Even better, how does it feel to use it?
How am I 27, going on 28, and still have no destination? Everyday, I'm thinking I want to do something new.
Why was my mother able to have 3 children, with her suck ass lack of maternal instinct...but, I can't have one?
Why am I the only person in my family with health issues?
Let me correct that...one of my sisters has eczema..the rest of my family-COMPLETELY HEALTHY!
Why am I still living at home???? Because, I'm terrified to live alone, knowing that frustration may lead to my suicide.
But, staying here seems to be the same kind of torture.
Why am I treated like an outcast on both sides of my family? My mother see's my father when she looks at me, my father see's my mother when he looks at me...so guess what....I'm hated!
When I try to talk to my therapists, I can only go but so far before they had me the long white coat, and drive me to the hotel with padded rooms.
I cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT....when I'm sleeping with or without someone.
Why am I not worthy of anything, but people who kill, lie, steal, cheat get everything?
Will this ever end...or does it have to END before it ends?
Everyone wants to "help", but they have no idea of the burden of really "knowing everything".
I wake up, everyday, thank God for allowing me have another day, and then ask him why he allows me to have another day.
Is this what it's gonna be, forever and ever amen?
If so, death seems easier...not better....just easier.
I'm an actress by nature...CLEARLY, because no one knows what's really happened or what's really going on.
Everyone thinks I'm a ROCK, when I'm really more like warm milk....or maybe even jello that's been left out for too long.
STILL WAITING FOR MY ONE MAGIC PILL!!! ANY DAY NOW..ANY DAY!