100 Things About Me Pt.6

51) I love old school music.

52) One of my favorite groups of all time is The Whispers.

53) I hate the heat & love the cold.

54) I hate coats.

55) I wear my favorite outfit in the fall and winter with a scarf to prevent me from catching a cold.

56) I have 4 tattoos and 7 piercing’s (not including my tongue ring that I allowed to close).

57) I am afraid of the dark.

58) I sleep with a nightlight, except when I sleep with my boyfriend.

59) I just recently started watching scary movies this year, but I sell refuse to watch anything by Tim Burton!

60) Movies/shows with talking animals amuse me.

You Are 96% Bipolar

You have some serious ups and downs, maybe to the point of endangering your own life. Consult a doctor to see if you may truly have bipolar disorder.

Are You Bipolar?

100 Things About Me Pt.5

41) My favorite outfit consists of a white tee-shirt, fitted jeans, and flip flops or a pair of Uggs.

42) If I found a club/lounge that coordinated with my favorite outfit…I’d go to the club EVERY NIGHT.

43) I don’t understand when people tell me “No”.

44) I think the greatest inventions today consist of Blackberry’s, Ipod’s, external drives, and laptops.

45) My favorite scents are Orange Flower scented candles from Henri Bendel, and my boyfriend.

46) My favorite perfumes are Lolita Limpicka, Hanae Mori, Eternity, and Princess.

47) I believe that New York City has a lot to do with my illness.

48) I cry myself to sleep most nights for reasons I’m still unsure of.

49) I have intentions on moving back to Atlanta late 2010.

50) I am a born again Christian.

100 Things About Me Pt.4

31) I am terrified of all bugs…including butterflies!

32) I do my best not to talk on the phone anymore.

33) My connection with everyone is via email and text messaging.

34) I used to check my messages every 2 to 3 minutes.

35) Now, I check my messages every 15 minutes or so…I’M IMPROVING!! ☺

36) My favorite colors ALL REVOLVE AROUND THE COLOR BROWN.

37) I didn’t start wearing colors other than white, black, and brown until 2 years ago.

38) I am a HUGE hip hop head…but, I love music from the durty south.

39) I believe there are beautiful children in the world. However, I honestly believe there is not one child who is more handsome than my nephew, Shawn.
40) I own more than a hundred pairs of shoes, but I have worn less than 25% of them.

100 Things About Me Pt.3

21) I blog a million times, EVERY DAY, in my head, but find it very difficult to write it down.

22) I have only 3 female friends, but have hundreds of male friends.

23) I trust females the least.

24) I have the ability to separate emotion from relationships.

25) My favorite TV show is Friends.

26) Although they only show the reruns now, I try to catch it every time it comes on.

27) I laugh and cry at the same parts of each show every time I see it.

28) I have worked in the fitness industry for 12 years, but have always hated working out.

29) Up until 2 months ago, I have had the same hair stylist for the last 10 years.

30) I only went elsewhere because of my therapist advice to try someone new.

100 Things About Me Pt.2

11) I’ve been off my meds, again, for about 2 weeks.

12) I love to laugh.

13) I have only dated people who have a great sense of humor.

14) I have been in love twice in my life.

15) My first love was my high school sweet heart, my second is my current boyfriend.

16) If I ever saw my high school sweet heart again, I’d do my best to kick his ass!

17) I can hold a grudge better than anyone I know.

18) I have been in foster care four times.

19) I trust very few people.

20) I am a very brilliant person, but I hide my intelligence.

100 Things About Me Pt.1

I am following Marissa's DeepIntro blog. I never really thought about posting this much about myself, but after reading Marissa's post, I thought it was something cute and kind of cool to do. Marissa, I hope you don't mind me copying off of you a wee bit!
Hopefully you all can learn something about me, and can laugh a little too...just don't laugh too hard!


1) I love to write.

2) My favorite pastime is sleeping.

3) I have 3 sisters and 1 brother.

4) I am the oldest out of all of them.

5) My relationship with my sister and brother, by my mother, is different than my relationship with my younger sisters.

6) I do very little to change my relationship with my younger sisters.

7) My favorite people in the WORLD are my sister Ashley and my brother Ramel.

8) I have had 4 mice and a ferret as pets. Mice names – Baby, Bubba, Baby 2, Bubba 2…Ferrets name – Kisses.

9) My baby’s name is Harmony(in the pic to the right). She’s a dog, Shih-tzu.

10) Despite my illness, I still struggle to take my meds consistently.

Not much to report here. Ok, maybe that's not the complete truth....I took myself of meds until my next p/tdoc appt. Why? Because I feel like my skin is attacking me. And I honestly believe it's from an allergic reaction to all of my meds. Hey, I'm no doctor, there's a small chance I could be wrong...but, what if I'm RIGHT?! For example...I normally shave my legs with a specific razor and a specific gel by Skintimates..I always have a clean razor btw!
Anyway, lately, I shave and I get what I can only describe as shaving hives or rash...whatever it is, I have been scratching off layers of skin! NOT A GOOD LOOK!!! So, I try something different, I use an electric shaver...I thought it was a rather brilliant idea if I do say so myself! What happened??? The same fucking thing as me shaving with a razor...my legs have bruises & whelps(sp), and is turning the raw red color. NOT GOOD! Well, I learned my lesson from my bikini area, I guess this is the lesson that I'll learn for my leg...WAX ONLY...ERRR...WAX ON, WAX OFF! LMBO!!! I'M LAUGHING AS I SCRATCH MY LEGS...sigh....oh well, I can't have it all!

Update

I'll be updating you on both sites later this afternoon! I promise!!

I look at my dresser and get pissed by the amount of prescription pill bottles that I have. Granted there are a few that I got recently that are just refills, but still...it amounts to alot. All it makes me think is that I'm some kind of junkie!

Med changes...
Ritalin LA - 60mg, increase from 40mg....does a GREAT job keeping me calm. Does a SUCK ASS JOB from keeping my brian from being racey!

Celexa - 20mg...no adjustment here...however, I can't tell if it's working! I have no idea why I'm still taking it!

Trazadone - 50mg....does a GREAT JOB keeping me asleep, but it doesn't make me fall asleep. So, the doctor decided to give me.....

Xanax - 1.5mg...I've never said this outside Concerta, but....XANAX IS THE SHIT!!!!!

Lorazepam - 1mg...apparently my pdoc didn't want me to stay on Xanax. I'm sad about that. Instead, she gave me these pills for extended relaease. In other words...they are supposed to last longer. We'll see! I'd rather Xanax.

Ritalin - 5mg...still using them for short term purposes.

What I'm really looking for is something to keep my mind from racing. The ritalin isn't doing that at all!
After listing ALL of my meds...I think I have a total of 12 poll bottles on my dresser...I NEED TO GET A LARGE CONTAINER...SEEING THEM ALL THE TIME BOTHERS ME!

Question?!?!

I want to be happy! I don't just want to "BE"...I want to "BE" happy! How does one do that with a mental illness and have the happy feeling be genuine?

Blog Ratings

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
ass (1x)

THIS IS A LOAD OF CRAP!!!! There is no possible way my blog could be Rated G! And, guess what....I'M RIGHT!
I did the research and found that the rating is only based upon your home page. If you were to enter in the archive URL's, you would find that each page has it's own rating.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am not seeking an "R" rating...I just didn't want anyone to be mislead...I mean, for a second I was wondering was I really expressing how I felt inside. I mean, I curse like a sailor on a daily basis...was I not telling you everything?

I feel better knowing that I was telling you everything, and that this page is the only "G" rated page of my blog! :)
Yeah...I'm weird! What can I say! LMBO!!!

Transparency

Transparency isn't something that the world is ready for. I've tried to be very upfront about who I am, and my difficulties, but I've found that the world just isn't ready for it.
I made the mistake of telling two men in my "life" about my mental illness, and I swear, since then, they do everything possible to make me feel like I'm going nuts.
IT'S NOT ME!!! BUT, I CAN MAKE IT BE ME....I BET IT WOULDN'T BE FUNNY THEN!

My illness isn't what I am, rather, it's what I have. I am not defined by my illness...I pray, one day, people will understand, and accept it. Until then, everyone doesn't have to know.

Why?

It seems as if no matter what I do, I can't focus! I want to, and I try so hard, I even get up early to take my meds..to no avail.
One thing I've noticed was taking a break from therapy is not an option for me.
It's as though if I stop, then start again...it's like starting from scratch. And, the same thing goes for my meds.
So why don't I just stick with my routine? I don't know. I guess I'm like everyone else with a mental illness. I start feeling better, and I convince myself that I can do it on my own. Then I start moving backwards...AGAIN!
In many posts I keep saying that I know what I need to do, but in reality, I like to think that this isn't ALWAYS going to be me...FOREVER & EVER...AMEN!
Taking pills every single day, without fail, isn't as easy as it seems. It's not as easy as brushing your teeth in the morning, or bathing, or even using deodorant.

Update For My Holder-ers

I wanted to wait until the end of the week to give you an update, but I'm bored, and a little proud of myself. So, I figured, it wouldn't hurt to write 2 posts.
*I've been taking my meds since seeing my pdoc last week, with the exception of today. I saw no need to take them today. I spent the majority of the day sleeping. Not a good excuse, but an excuse nontheless. I'll go back on them tomorrow.
*I've been studying for my exams. Let me tell you...IT'S VERY BORING MATERIAL! But, it's what I want to do, so I'm going to make myself learn & retain as much info as possible.
*I got a job! YAY ME!!! It's exactly what I wanted! I'm going to be an assistant appraiser. Like I said in my previous post, I have to assist for almost three years, so I'm getting started now! I start after I take my last 2 finals...so, I need to hurry up. I expect to start early August.

***So...how am I doing so far?!?