I GIVE UP!!!

Fear is overwhelming....I must say, I'm not taking this too well!!!
Every chance I get I'm crying. In between crying, I'm staring off into space...not really looking at anything...just thinking "why me?!?".
I don't think that anyone REALLY GETS IT!
ONCE AGAIN....I'M ALL ALONE!!!
I found myself not wanting to wake up the other night, so, I took 7 Xanax....CLEARLY THAT DIDN'T WORK!!!

Don't misunderstand me, as weird as this may sound, I wasn't trying to commit suicide...I just didn't want to wake up.
I'm TIRED of the meds, tired of the doctor ALWAYS GIVING ME BAD NEWS, tired of the pain & the fear, thru with having to explain it all!!!

I know that I don't know the results yet, but I'm tired of having to go through all of this! You know, no one in my immediate family gets anything but a cold....& they rarely get that. IT'S ALWAYS ME!!!
I love my family, & I don't wish ANY OF THIS ON THEM....but, I do wish that I didn't have to take this on myself.

Did I do something wrong to deserve this?? If so, I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE!!!