I Do It To Myself

I've been off meds for a little while now. I mean consistently off of them. The only thing I've been making an effort to take is my sleepy time meds. Why? Because, I'm still not sleeping. For a while I thought my day time meds had something to do with it, so I decided to stop taking them to see if it would make a difference...to no avail.
Today, I had to run around for my family at the last minute. So, since I knew what I was in for, I thought that I should go in prepared.
What did I do? I decided to take my meds....I always forget what happens then I've been off of them for a while, and then randomly start back.
I feel like I have no control over my body...outer body experience times a million!
Why can't I just do what I'm supposed to do? JUST TAKE THE DAMN MEDICATION!!! JUST FUCKING TAKE IT!
I want to say I need a system, but, what kind of system can a person have just to make you take the damn medication?
I don't forget it...I just don't take it. And, I keep saying to myself...TAKE YOUR MEDS, TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!!!
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!