Not Sure

I have no idea what is going on with me and my brain. I am so up and down, it's unbelieveable. The part that sucks most is that I don't really feel like I can talk to the people that I really want to talk to, and my closest friends seem to be doing better so I avoid putting the burden on them. Instead, I've been locking myself in my bedroom, silencing my ringer, not returning messages/emails, and crying myself to sleep. I'm still off my meds, and haven't been to therapy in what seems like forever. Although I have responsibilities and commitments, I can't seem to make myself do them, no less want to do them. My one outlet, my blogs, aren't even up to date as normal because I can't get my brain to slow down long enough to get it all out. As I sit here typing, I am crying because my brain is racing again. I really do need help, but where can I get it?