Sickness may take my body,and my mind, but not my spirit. My journey with Adult ADD/ADHD, OCD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, & Depression.
| Your Personality Is Like Cocaine |
 You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you. Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party. Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid! |
I haven't taken any meds today. Not on purpose, I just forgot them.
But, on Thursday, I actually sat down and got some work done, and I have a few meetings set up for the up coming week. I really feel good about that. Maybe it'll help me get back on track and feeling better about "me". Thank you, in advance, for all of the people who have stuck by me, without judgment, and helped me find a way through my fog. I'm not going to name you, because you know who you are...it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway...I LOVE YOU!!!!
Today was a better day. I had a few appointments to go to today, so that was a reason for me to get up and out. I took a Ritalin, so it made me much more productive. I finished the rest of my assignments and even returned a few emails. Overall, it was a decent day. I remember when I was most happy and productive. It was when I was working, completely on meds, and in therapy. That was late last year. Since then, I have quit my job, I only take meds when I know I have to leave my house, and I haven't been to therapy in almost 2 months. I have no idea why I am like this, and I now see that it's not the healthiest situation to be emersed in, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I don't regret leaving my job, had I not, suicide would have been an option. What I do regret is the decision that I made to take a "break". Although it was much needed, now I find it hard to get out of this. I was offered quite a few positions, but refused them all because I could see that it wasn't going to have me headed in the right direction. Instead...I stopped looking. And then, I became a hermit. So, I'm giving myself one month...and only one month, to get back out there. I can do it! I've done it many times before. But, I may need help keeping focused. I don't want a full time job. I'm actually considering taking on two part time jobs just so I don't get bored. Bordem makes me leave people and places with the quickness. Wish me luck!!! :)
I went to Wendy's today, about a block away from my house. I was hungry and felt like having a chicken sandwich instaed of my normal salad. I get cravings and when this happens nothing, short of a tornado, can stop me. So, I got dressed and walked the block in the wind and cool air. I get there and stand in the long line. I left my cell phone and my ipod at home so I had nothing to distract me from the stupid Jamaica Ave hood mentality. All was going well, until, a spanish lady comes in, speaking to her child loudly in spanish, telling him to stand still. The child...doesn't listen, and is roaming through the line, and of course not saying excuse me. I remained calm, and I didn't trip him and make him fall, although I really was thinking about it. The little boy turned around and saw another kid standing in line with his mother, not saying or doing anything. Spanish little boy, turns around yells something at him in spanish, and sticks his tongue out at him. The other kid does nothing, they are black, so his mother just gave him the eye as if to say you better not do anything. As I watch, I'm thinking he needs to be...WHAT, no he didn't just do that!!! The black kid was standing there...still minding his own business, not even turned toward the spanish kid, and I guess the spanish kid got pissed and walked up to him, and kicked the other kid in the leg. WHAT?!?!?! As I was saying...he needs to be snatched up, or get his ass beat! The mother did nothing...just laughed. I, quickly, grabbed my food, and left. Both the mother and the kid should consider themselves lucky...I took a Ritalin about an hour prior to leaving the house.
I have alot of GREAT ideas, but I don't know what to do with them. I think I come up with at least 5-10/day. You think I'm nuts, but what crazy person can come up with that many ideas in a day? My problem is, frequently, I can't get them out of my head. They just move around in there...it's almost like they're taunting me. They are saying...Ha ha, I'm in here and you can't catch me!!
And, just when I catch one, I have no idea how to go about executing the plan. It's worthless...I just sit here, with brilliant ideas on hand....STUCK-ER THAN A MUTHA F***ER! So what now? I don't really know! I have so many questions, and hundreds of answers for them all, and can't pair them up...FRUSTRATED...LONELY...SAD....AND SLEEPY AS HELL! If the damn thoughts and GREAT ideas would stop taunting me for a damn day, maybe, I can finally get some much needed rest! But, the chances of that brilliant break is slim to none! Oh well, I'm off to lay down and stare at the white ceiling for the next 6 hours. Night!
Today was a better day, but extra non-productive. After not sleeping and being sick the other day, I felt the need to sleep, and that's just what I did. I woke up at about 12pm, then went home at 1pm, straightened up my bedroom for about 30 minutes, got in the car...and slept. I've been sleeping all day long, awaking only to glance at a couple of text messages, reply, and looking at a couple of incoming calls, and hitting ignore. Where/who am I? And how did I get here?
I am having an issue determining where Being Processed begins and Amber Vision ends. It's getting twisted in my mind, and I don't know what to do. Me with meds or without. There is such thing as too much...Bad days have been surrounding me and I'm only really ok when I'm with him...but honestly, I'm not, he's been getting my representative. What do I do?
Yup, I'm still awake. I knew I wouldn't be able to go to sleep tonight because of the way I took my meds. I took a Concerta, Ritalin, and a Celexa...I won't even tell you the mg's, just know that if I were going to go based on a scale from 1 to 10, I'd be an 85. And, to top everything off...I'm having panic attacks, I have a migrane, and I'm vomiting. This is my fault, I went overboard on the meds. I've learned my lesson...now, can you please let me rest?
I have alot to talk about, but I'm still trying to determine how I feel. And I can't get anything out. Try again tomorrow. :(
I just want to remind everyone about the amount of courage that it takes to write a blog like this. A blog period is hard, but to get as personal as to record your life as a mentall ill individual is so on another level.
I am, somewhat, of a different individual. I went to personally accepting my illness to completely being in deial and still trying to convince others. Most people start with denial...like I said, I am a different individual. I think denial takes over me most when I am off my meds. I try to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me, and then I cry myself to sleep, or I can't get out of bed, or I flip out on someone for sneezing. Or maybe when I can hold a 2 minute conversation and cover 40 different topics and have the other person look at me as if I'm nuts, or even when I can't leave the house...I make it out of the bed, but can't leave the house.
I created this blog to promote awareness. I am hiding nothing. All 3 of my blogs are connected. You know my name, Amber Anique, you know, from my other blogs, who my best friends are and the people who play a major roll in my life.
Needless to say, when one of the people closest to me laugh at me and tell me there is nothing wrong with me...I take it VERY HARD. Granted, she is not here with me to see my ups, downs, and in betweens, but I thought that she would be one of them who would support me, even if I had a third eye underneath my armpit. She's not the first person that I've gone through this with, a few people decided that not being a part of my life was the easier pill to swallow than accepting my illness...oddly enough, I'm the one swallowing pills. People who choose not to accept me can see the door. You are not the one having the attacks, in fear of life and a new relationship with medication, or even the heartache of being stigmatized by society, and the lack of acceptance by your family and friends. You are not the one who, HONESTLY, has to go through this alone.
DO NOT JUDGE UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE YOUR HOMEWORK!!!
HERE'S A FEW SITES TO BEGIN RESEARCH, IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE...
Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disroder (CHADD)
AD/HD Link through CHADD
National Institute of Mental Health Links (NIMH)
AD/HD
Bipolar Disorder
OCD
Depression
Anxiety Disorder
Panic Disorder
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO IGNORE MENTAL DISABILITIES/ILLNESSES...BUT JUST LIKE DIABETIES, CANCER, AIDS...THEY STILL EXIST!
...I did make it out of the house. I woke up last night and recounted my meds to make certain I could do this. I had enough pills, so I went to my first meeting. I enjoyed myself, but we rarely get alot accomplished...like minds, lol. I missed the second meeting, but I'm not pressed about it. I think, deep down, I had enough for the day, and was greatful to be able to get back into my bed. One step at a time Amber. My eyebrows are not done, but maybe I'll do them this weekend, or maybe not. I don't really care, I can't be but too bothered. Maybe I'll skip this weeks hair appointment also. Keep you posted!
I won't say, today, that suicide is an option. However, what I will say is that I've had enough!!!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!! It's not jealousy, although it may sound like it, but, I don't feel it's fair that I have all of these issues. I love my family & siblings with ALL of my heart, but, I don't think it's fair that I am the only one going through this. I don't wish my illness on my worst enemy...but, why me??? Have I done something wrong? Tell me what it is and I'll make it right! What did I do or not do to deserve this incomplete, incompetent, worthless, agonizing gift? Can I choose a different gift? Were there two doors and I picked the wrong one? If this is permanent...which it seems like it is...does it get easier? Am I really going to be married to my meds? Is there no end...but, the end? Is this really me?
I never watch television. When I do, I stick to the same programs, Friends, or on one of the cable movie channels I watch Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I watch this movie almost every night, only because it's on, I mean I don't search for it...anywhooo...
This evening I decide to watch the evening news...WHY DID I DO THIS??
There was a boy scout it North Carolina that went missing over the weekend that apparently was found alive today. He was found not to far from the campsite (approx. 1 mile away). They claim that he may have been "homesick" online, but on television they claimed that he wandered away from the group and survived on junk food...and that he suffers from ADHD, and didn't have his meds.
WHAT???????? He didn't wander off from the group because he was "sufferring from ADHD", he wandered away because more than likely no one ever got in his ass for wandering away from the adults!!!
Every person that has a mental illness/disability that went undiagnosed into their adulthood has one thing in common....THEY ALL KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM, THEY JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT.
We could have received help as adolescents had you just listened to us, not judged us, and not stigmatized us! How would you feel if we did it to you? Isn't life hard enough? I don't need your shit!!!
YES...I AM VERY ANGRY TODAY!!!
I don't know how alot of people handle life.
Me myself, at the moment, I'm finding it very difficult.
I wake up and thank God everyday for the few very special people that have been placed in my life.
I also wishing that others will become more aware of what I'm going through and not pass judgement, rather assist me in this VERY TOUGH journey.
Everytime I say something to some of my family members, they laugh, and tell me that there is nothing wrong with me.
I suppose there is nothing wrong with any of you either.
*My issue today...I need to go back to work to obtain some form of sanity. But I can't do just anything...meaning, the job offers that I have, I don't want. I can't do just anything anymore, but I can't get my head to focus long enough to search for anything else, nor do I know what I want to do.
*My issue this evening...I want my brain to slow down long enough to write. I want to, at the very least, take a Ritalin, but if I do, I'll be up the rest of the night. If I don't take it, I won't write, my brain won't slow down, and once again, I'll find myself crying myself to sleep because of my frustration and pain.
*My issue tomorrow...I have to leave the house to get my eyebrows done & attend 2 meetings...but I'm still having an issue with leaving my bedroom.
Go ahead and tell me there is nothing wrong with me...Go ahead!
I have at least 2 million ideas for writing, but can't get one out for you. Bare with me please! Thinking of taking a Ritalin just so I can get my mind to slow down for a little while.
Ever been thinking, but don't know what you are thinking? Like you can feel your brain activity...or thoughts going through your mind, but have no clue as to what is being thought? If someone were to ask me, at this very moment, what I was thinking, my answer would be, "I DON'T HAVE A CLUE".
I am off my meds. Not a good thing. I've isolated myself...again. I'm backed on all of my blogs. I've had a couple of good days thanks to my best friend, and my boyfriend...BUT I'M STUCK! I have to ration out what I have left of my meds because the cost of medication has risen :-&. I am ready to go back to work, but because I haven't taken my meds, I can't sit long enough to find another job. Funny enough, this short post took me almost two hours to complete. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???
Yes, I am an odd creature. Odd to most, normal to many. In my opinion, I am just different, and there is nothing wrong with that, is there?
I hate it when my food touches.
I take my shoes off when I enter my bedroom, but not when I walk in the house, unless it's snowing or raining outside.
I don't sleep underneath the covers. I sleep on top of the comforter with two other blankets.
No one, except the people who sleep there, should sit on the bed.
You should not sit on the bed unless you have bathed first.
The thought of tomatos, gravy, or cheese on/near/around my food sets fire to my tummy, makes me want to hurl.
I can only bathe with liquid anti-bacterial soap. Anything else has me itching and feeling unclean.
I can only sleep on my left side.
Movie theaters are for watching movies. Not for eating and/or talking.
I dread using the bathroom. I believe it's too time consuming.
You should only drink sodas from a bottle, never a can.
In the morning, you shouldn't eat unless you have brushed your teeth first.
There is more, but I haven't taken my meds today...Do you think I'm odd?
I couldn't sleep...again...I was up at 5am, and decided to count my pills. Yup, I counted how many pills I had left...why?
I have a million pairs of shoes...it's my habit, better than drugs right?
Anyway, yesterday I finally wore a new pair of sneakers. Well, not so new, but I have never worn them. I was pink yesterday, so I wore my pink & white Nike Air Max sneakers. I wasn't too concerned with the dirt getting on them, but I kept everyone at arms length. And, of course, once I got home, I took them off and went to put them back into the box. I looked at the bottom of the right shoe...not too much dirt, yayyyy!!! Then, I picked up the left shoe and looked at the bottom of it...WHAT'S THAT???? OH MY GOD....IT'S POO!!!! THERE IS POO AT THE BOTTOM OF MY NEW LEFT SHOE....OK, STAY CALM....BREATHE....I CAN HANDLE THIS.
The end result....
My right shoe is in the box, safe and sound. My left shoe is sitting in front of my door....the front door, in the hallway. I don't know what to do with it. What should I do? Normally, I would throw them away, but I like those sneakers, and I've only worn them once. HELP, PLEASE!!!!!!!
MAJOR DILEMMA!!!!
I got out of the house today after literally being held captive in my bedroom. I felt as if there was no reason to do too much of anything like sleep, wake up, take meds, and eat. Due to my OCD, one thing will ALWAYS remain consistent...I will bathe at least once a day & wash my face & brush my teeth...then I'll go back to sleep, lol!
I went to my first ADD meeting today, hosted by CHADD. I'm very happy I went, however, I wasn't impressed.
The presenter for this meeting was Rochelle Toga-Figa, and the topic was her sales model...The Sales Breakthrough System. As a whole, the meeting was very good, she was a great public speaker, & was prepared with pamphlets and activities.
But, this was my problem with it....
Everyone there had one thing in common...we all have ADD...we were not there to learn how to sell. We have issues with attention, so speaking about things that generally don't pertain to us personally is a waste of time. We should have been discussing techniques for us to get to the point that we will be able to effectively sell. We don't want to be "labeled" as disabled, however, we came to a meeting for people with this specific disability...we should be treated as such, not like "normal" people. The seminar should have been catered toward me, and others like me.
During the seminar, I looked around and saw ADD in action...some were paying attention, others...well, they were in their own world, while some were trying to comprehend & connect the dots. As for me, I took my meds, purposely, & when I finally understood what the topic of the seminar was, I paid close attention to what the presenter was saying. Not because I needed the info, although I did pick up a couple of pointers that I will more than likely use, but because I knew what was coming up next, and felt like someone needed to be schooled.
She said....
*You can control your mind
*You can control your thoughts
*Limiting your thoughts
*We didn't want to live like that (in other words, we don't want to be confused & disorganized)
Here are my thoughts...
While the information may be useful to most, it does nothing without a starting point, which we have none.
Our disability means we can't control our mind, and our thoughts, this is why we came to the meeting seeking assistance. No, we don't want to live like this! We want help, but just making the statement doesn't help us if you don't point us in the right direction.
Preparation breeds confidence & with assistance & practice you can (God willing) effectively communicate...
TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, LIKE...how do I slow my thoughts down, then organize them so I can prepare? What are some techniques that have been proven effective to gain self-confidence? If I have memory issues..How can I train myself so that I can be prepared, have confidence, & effectively communicate?
Not a total loss....
I'm a little annoyed, but I will go back next month. If nothing else, I felt comfortable in a setting with people of "like minds". And, I did meet a few people...Jodi, Jessica, Steve...& a few others (pardon me, I have memory issues & I can't remember everyone's name).
I am a true advocate of meds! So, why do I do this to myself?
I'm off my meds...and have been held up in my bedroom since Wednesday. I'm not afraid to go out, I just see no need for me to do so. I heard it's been beautiful outside...that's still not a motivator for me.
Why don't I just take the freakin pills?
I know what I go through when I'm off of them. But when your on them, it just seems as if you can take over the world, and you would never attribute your success/happiness to the meds.
I've been up since 10AM, laying in the bed with everything turned off, including my computer. I didn't get up and out of bed until 5PM.
I just want to be ok..screw normal...just ok.
No Concerta or Celexa today, just Ritalin.
Let's see what happens today.
It's after 3AM, and I am still awake. This is my struggle...
I lay awake at night with every thought I can possibly think of:
What will my next 30 blogs be?
What are the titles?
Did I take my meds?
Which did I take?
Why didn't I take my Lunesta?
Will I bother to take my Concerta and Celexa in the morning?
How will I get to my volunteer work tomorrow?
Is it going to be too cold to wear a skirt?
I wonder if I can find a large enough scarf in the morning to wrap around my hair since I'd rather not wear it out.
Should I get my hair done on Tuesday?
Should I get my nails and eyebrows done tomorrow?
Will I see my best friend tomorrow? Are we going to the movies?
How is my sister and my soon to be nephew doing?
How is my dad & Harmony doing?
Why didn't I watch Aristocats today?
Should I watch it tomorrow?
I should be able to buy a new car by June the latest, right?
What kind of car should I get?
Why am I blogging this late at night?
Why am I blogging in the dark?
Is there a real reason, outside of OCD, that I don't sleep underneath my comforter instead of on top of it?
Why is my hair falling out?
Should I have taken a third shower today?
Why can't I fall asleep like "normal" people?
If I finally fall asleep, will I be late tomorrow?
What will I eat tomorrow?
Will I eat tomorrow?
Is there a fruit stand open right now? I sure could use a banana...or maybe a donut.
Do I really need to wear heels tomorrow?
What did I do all day today?
Why are there fingerprints on my entertainment stand?
Why do I have such a problem with anything, including shoes, being on the floor?
Do I have enough wash cloths to last me through my next clothing drop off?
Why do I sleep with my laptop in my bed?
Should my next bank really be Commerce?
Who do I know that banks with them?
I wonder how much I really weigh right now.
Why haven't I taken my weight yet?
Is that really important?
My foot just fell asleep...why does your foot feel like pins are being stuck into it when it falls asleep?
Why do I get destuctive when I'm angry, lonely, happy, and anxious?
How old am I again?
Wow, am I really creeping on 30?
Where should I vacation this year?
When will my brain shut down?
My fingers are tired...should I continue to type?
Why do I love flip flops so much?
I should buy Harmony a new jacket.
Why don't I just go ahead and buy another ferret?
If they can do it, why can't I?
I don't think I'm going to wear my glasses for the fashion show.
Does that mean I should buy new contacts?
Do I need to find a place that does eyelashes? Or, should I save that trip for the June fashion show?
If I'm tired, why am I still awake?
What was that poem I thought of the other night before I fell asleep?
I knew I shoould have gotten up and wrote it in my notebook.
I should find someone to massage my shoulder...it's killing me!
Should I buy a wig?
I wonder if Larissa is back from Russia.
At what time did I check my emails last? Anything over one hour means I should check again.
****And that's just some of my random thoughts over the last ten minutes....
Happy
Confused
Sad
Glad
Crazy
Depressed
Pissed
Angry
Tired
Small
Fat
Dirty
Funky
Alert
Energetic
Dizzy
Speedy
Neutral
Bright
Clingy
Crafty
Creative
Black
Morbid
Relaxed
Bored
Clear
Sane
Insane
Vain
Shy
Sexy
Ugly
Scared
Messy
...ALL AT ONCE!
A bit too much to bear in 30 seconds. And that's just the last 30 seconds.
This afternoon, I finally woke up!
What made me wake up?
Was it the wake up call that my best friend gives me every morning?
Was it the phone call from my sister?
How about the phone call from Ed?
Or, my body being cold because I slept so wild that the covers came off of me?
Actually...none of the above.
It was the stupid ass man that was cleaning his car across the street, blasting his fucking music, with all of the doors and trunk open so everyone in Queens can hear it. When I finally gave up, and woke up, I had the right mind to go across the street and curse dude out. But...something stopped me. Beep, beep, beep...beep, beep, beep....beep, beep, beep...
What the hell is that beeping noise? I walk throughout the apartment and try to find out what the noise is to no avail. Beep, beep, beep... I thought I was going crazy! I was about to start pulling my hair out! Later, I find out it's not me...It's my neighbor downstairs. His damn smoke detector is going off...apparently, the battery is dying. He's lucky he wasn't home, I would have broken down the door and kicked his ass for waking me!
Yes, if you see me now, you'll probably notice the significant weight loss. It's not bad, just noticable. About 30lbs lighter than I was in November. My family, apparently, was worried. I mentioned I had McDonald's the other day and they got excited and started claping. They thought I was becoming anorexic. NO! That is not the case....so far from the truth!!!
I don't have an eating disorder...it's actually a side effect from my meds. Concerta gets rid of your appetite. It makes me feel full, like there is no room in my stomach for anything. I have to take my meds as soon as I wake up to prevent from forgetting. As soon as the meds start working, I am instantly full. So, yes, I miss days of eating. I don't mean to do it! My boyfriend gets annoyed because he never see's me eat anymore. He offers, and I always tell him I'm not hungry. Then @ 6pm, he'll ask if I've eaten at all that day. My answer is...Uhhhhhhh, but I wasn't hungry. I have to find a way to manage it better.
Here's an update...
Butterfly and I have started a Webring of our own. It's called Piece of Mind .
We are dedicating this webring to anyone and everyone who has a mental illness. Any type of mental illness. I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night, and I was disturbed to realize how many people may have an illness, and not know. If you know someone, are someone, in the closet, or out of the closet individual who has a mental illness, and you are blogging, I would like to encourage you to join.
Our purpose is to create a family of awareness, and hopefully create a safe platform for dialogue.
I've had a bit of a break from work. The odd thing about me is that I really enjoy working. But it's not just working...I like paperwork, lot's of paperwork!! I've always been interested in it, but could never concentrate long enough to do it. Now that I'm on meds, I want to work again. As long as I'm on meds, I should be ok, right? I hope so, otherwise I'm going to have ALOT of problems. I'm getting bored and annoyed with staying home.
I woke up late this afeternoon feeling very tired and stupid. Here is why...
My doctor prescribed medications
Concerta (extended release) - 18mg & 27mg
Celexa - 20mg
Ritalin (short term release) - 5mg
Lunesta - 2mg
For the last week or so, I haven't been sleeping. When I finally fall asleep, around 9AM, something wake's me...like my cell phone. So, I'm up between 12pm & 3pm. I'll take my meds around 3pm, or avoid taking them at all with a fear if I take them (Concerta) I'll be up all night. And that's just what's been happening. This morning...this afternoon rather, I remembered, I should take Ritalin when I wake up late. This may not mean much for some of you, but those who are on meds understand how important it is to take your meds in a timely fashion or it could screw up not only that day, but many of the following days also.
Not that kind of commitment. Maybe I should say, fear of being committed. I have a confession...I am selective about what I tell my therapists. Meaning, I tell them just enough. I can't tell them everything. I mean, I think them giving me a free white jacket, with long sleeves, and a big buckle in the back is nice. And then, they'll take you on a ride...I don't know exactly for how long, but you can sleep until they decide to stop driving. Then, you'll even get your own room, and it's completely padded, all white. They cook the food, and make sure you take your meds on time. All of this sounds cool, until you find out that you don't have a key to get out of the room. It's a farm, people think it's funny, but I don't think it is. I don't mind commitment, as long as it's on my own terms.
It's almost 1:30PM. Tell me why I am just REALLY waking up? It doesn't matter that I took my meds around 8 or 9 last night, because I still didn't fall asleep until 5 this morning. Lucky I don't have to work today, or I'd be in a bit of a pickle.
I had my best friend give me a wake up call. Told her I was up. My cell phone rang, letting me know I have text messages. I woke up, replied and went back to sleep. When will it become easier?
I worry about everything and everyone. I am up @ 1AM...worrying...about what? Who knows! My mind is racing. I try to focus, but I can't. I spend alot of time surfing other people's blogs, and it reminds me that people do have it worse than me. But, it doesn't make it any easier. I took my meds today, so I had an ok day. I wrote a proposal earlier...thanks to my meds. It flowed out so easily. From my mind to the computer...is this what happens with normal people? Is this what it feels like to focus? Normally I would have had to call someone and dictated what I wanted to say. I would have gotten out the basics, and they would've had to fill in the blanks. It's difficult on most days but I'm doing my best. I've taken my Lunesta already, so I'm going to try to get some sleep. Maybe I'll be able to turn my brain off tonight....MAYBE!
I looked at another blog this evening and figured I'd do a search.
*Celebrities with ADD/ADHD...
Ty Pennington
Robin Williams
Tracey Gold
Ellen Degeneres
Bill Cosby
Edgar Allen Poe
Einstein
Leonardo DaVinci
Socrates
Mozart
Beethoven
Thomas Edison
Alexander Graham Bell
Pablo Picasso
Babe Ruth
Harry Belafonte
Magic Johnson
John Lennon
Nostradamus
John D. Rockafeller
Michael Jordan
Whoopi Goldberg
Ernest Hemingway
Dustin Hoffman
Abraham Lincoln
Pete Rose
John F. Kennedy
Bono
Bill Clinton
Winston Churchill
Martin Luther King, Jr.
P-Diddy
Cher
Prince
Ozzy Ozborne
*Celebrities with OCD
Cameron Diaz
Jessica Alba
Billy Bob Thornton
David Beckham
Alec Baldwin
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Leonardo Dicaprio
Paul Gascoigne
Jane Horrocks
Natalie Appleton
Fred Durst
Woody Allen
Harrison Ford
Michelle Pfeiffer
Winona Ryder
Charles Dickens
Donald Trump
*Celebrities With Anxiety/Panic Disorders
Nicole Kidman (actress)
Kim Basinger (actress)
Delta Burke (actress)
Donny Osmond (entertainer)
Winston Churchill
John Cougar Mellancamp (musician, actor)
Winona Ryder (actress)
Marie Osmand (entertainer)
Cher (singer, actress)
Beverly Johnson (supermodel)
Roseanne Barr (comedian - actress)
Michael Jackson (singer)
Naomi Judd (singer)
Nicholas Cage (actor)
Sissy Spacek (actress)
Johnny Depp (actor)
Sally Field (actress)
Alanis Morisette (singer)
Burt Reynolds (actor)
Courtney Love (singer - actress)
Naomi Campbell (supermodel)
David Bowie (singer)
Carly Simon (singer)
Aretha Franklin (singer)
Emily Dickinson (poet)
John Madden (sports announcer)
Olivia Hussey (actress)
Oprah Winfrey (host - claims she had just one attack)
John Candy (comedian - actor)
Dean Cain (actor)
Barbra Streisand (singer - actress)
Sigmund Freud (psychiatrist)
W.B. Yeats (poet)
Sir Isaac Newton (scientist)
Abraham Lincoln (president)
Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal)
Lucille Ball (actress, singer)
Jordan and Jonathon Knight (new kids on the block)
**Celebrities with mental illness...period...
IT'S EVERYWHERE!!!
I recently found two new bloggers. It confirms that I am not alone. Check them out!
The Bipolar Chick
Txandi
It's funny to me that I am such an advocate of meds. Funny, but not. The chance I'm taking is huge! Why do I think this? Well, it's simple...it's the side effects. You know, when you hear an advertisement on tv, they read the precautions faster than an auctioneer. But, as a person with mental disability, we have to make a choice, and take a chance. And, the choices are rather straight forward...Live or Die. It's just that simple. For me anyway. Meds assist in living. They don't cure, they assist in giving you life. No meds = depression & suicidal thoughts. Each case is different. Why suicidal thoughts? Because it's a means to an end. Ending bitterness, confusion, mental chaos, and instability.
I made a choice. Guess what it was.
I recovered this post from my Blackberry, in the draft box. I remember this day! Life changing!
Blogger 10/9/2006
Today had to be one of the happiest days of my life! Though some found it odd, I
must say if I had 2 replay the day, I'd feel the same but happier!
Have you ever felt like something was wrong but couldn't figure out what, or
why?
After feeling this way, did you go to the doctor to tell him "There is something
wrong, but I don't know what"? Then the doctor, of course the doc looks at you
like you've got 3 heads & tells you there is nothing wrong.
I've been going through this all my life, twenty-something year, lol. But today, it's over! My mental re-birth!!!
I have ADHD! The most wonderful news EVER!
Most people don't understand. I'm not requesting understanding. I'm requesting awareness. Each day is a struggle...but the struggle is even worse when you struggle with yourself, and your mind.
Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me. Mostly my fault. I played run around all day, but didn't take my meds. Not the brightest thing to do. I was up and down. What was odd was I went to pick up my younger sister, Tyra, from school and when she saw me she had to a double take. She looked at me and said "Wow, you look so happy!". As opposed to what I normally look like? I think, for the most part, I walk around with a smile on my face...even if it's a fake one, I try!
It is my honest opinion that everyone should seek therapy! Everyone in the world has some kind of pent up issue. It's the best feeling in the world to speak to someone that isn't directly involved in your life, have them listen to you vent, and give an unbiased opinion...or no opinion at all.
A stigma about therapy is that it is for "crazy" people. My opinion...you must be sane to recognize that you need help and seek help.
Therapy isn't just for people who are mentally ill/disabled/"crazy". It's also for the people who don't have a person in their life to whom which they can speak to...without judgment and bias.
I go to therapy. I discuss things with my therapist about my past, present, and foreseeable future that I wouldn't ever discuss with other person that I know. I don't have to sugarcoat anything, worry about her feelings, or be concerned about anyone else knowing my personal business. Outside of church, it's one of the things I look forward to each week. My personal outlet.
