Not

I won't say, today, that suicide is an option. However, what I will say is that I've had enough!!!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!! It's not jealousy, although it may sound like it, but, I don't feel it's fair that I have all of these issues. I love my family & siblings with ALL of my heart, but, I don't think it's fair that I am the only one going through this. I don't wish my illness on my worst enemy...but, why me??? Have I done something wrong? Tell me what it is and I'll make it right! What did I do or not do to deserve this incomplete, incompetent, worthless, agonizing gift? Can I choose a different gift? Were there two doors and I picked the wrong one? If this is permanent...which it seems like it is...does it get easier? Am I really going to be married to my meds? Is there no end...but, the end? Is this really me?