Why Do I Do This?

I am a true advocate of meds! So, why do I do this to myself?
I'm off my meds...and have been held up in my bedroom since Wednesday. I'm not afraid to go out, I just see no need for me to do so. I heard it's been beautiful outside...that's still not a motivator for me.
Why don't I just take the freakin pills?
I know what I go through when I'm off of them. But when your on them, it just seems as if you can take over the world, and you would never attribute your success/happiness to the meds.
I've been up since 10AM, laying in the bed with everything turned off, including my computer. I didn't get up and out of bed until 5PM.
I just want to be ok..screw normal...just ok.
No Concerta or Celexa today, just Ritalin.
Let's see what happens today.